Founder of the Body Language Institute, Janine Driver is a master of the subtle nonverbal messages people send on a daily basis—signals that often speak louder than words.
The best-selling author and former federal law enforcement officer, who has appeared on numerous national TV programs, believes that knowing how to read other’s body language—and grasping the significance of our own—is crucial when it comes to negotiation success.
“Body language is critically important,” Driver says. “Probably at least 50 percent of the impact we make negotiating is done through body language, maybe more.”
Just exactly how can planners up their nonverbal game when it comes to negotiation and other business communication?
Here’s a look at several key facets to consider when it comes to the often-crucial messages that go unspoken.
SENDING THE RIGHT MESSAGE
“You can have great talking points and a good pitch, but what people will really care about is whether they like you,” Driver says. “The bottom line is we want to give good deals to people we like.”
And there are numerous nonverbal measures that can psychologically win favor, she emphasizes, including an easy one that can be quickly recalled with the mnemonic phrase “Left for Love, Right for Fight.”
“When you meet someone, it’s important to ‘lead’ with your left shoulder, like when you shake hands,” she says, explaining that it will create a sense of intimacy rather than one of distance. Another key, one that perhaps can’t always be controlled, is aiming for a smart strategic placement with your seating.
“Do NOT sit directly opposite the person you are trying to persuade,” Driver emphasizes. “That increases anxiety and makes the negotiation confrontational.”
She says that sitting off to about a 30-degree angle from the main decision maker is optimal during a negotiation.
When possible, try getting up and walking alongside your negotiating counterpart, which comfortably allows you into their “personal space” and also leads to more open conversation, Driver says.
“When we move, we become more open,” she explains. “It’s like the old expression ‘move your body, move your mind.’”
It’s also crucial, when in someone’s personal space—such as during a side-by-side stroll—to be upbeat, positive and talk about the things you’re excited about, rather than complaining.
And when group photos or presentations take place, Driver says those individuals standing in the middle are psychologically perceived as being the most important.
“It’s all subtle, but really adds up,” Driver explains.
READING THE SIGNS
When it comes to looking for nonverbal messages from your negotiating counterparts, “a glass table is the best tool you can have,” Driver says, explaining that “sometimes our toes tell us more than our mouth.”
For example, something she’s seen in law enforcement frequently—and a red flag that helps her avoid uncomfortably shy volunteers when doing seminars—is that people are constraining themselves when they hold/fold back their feet and toes while seated.
Another key “foot note” is that people tend to go “up on their toes” when enthused, Driver says, an action that you might want to respond to.
People also tend to point their feet and belly buttons in the direction they want to move in or aim their attention. So if someone is looking you in the eye but their feet are pointed toward the exit sign you might not truly have their full attention.
Similarly, if all belly buttons at a meeting table are pointed at one person, they are clearly an influencer worth emulating, Driver says, which is where the concept of “mirroring” comes into play.
She calls this technique tremendously helpful in winning favor, and it basically involves subtly imitating the top influencer three to four seconds after some of their trademark body language.
“If they lean back, you lean back,” Driver explains, stressing that for the strategy to be effective the brief delay is crucial.
DECEPTION INTERCEPTION
Nicknamed “The Lyin’ Tamer” for her keen ability to spot possible deception, Driver knows a few red flags to watch for that might indicate dishonesty.
The two top “tells” in this area, she explains, are smirks and shrugs. The smirk, which can indicate someone faking moral superiority, is a top sign someone is being misleading, Driver notes, while the shrug is a bit more open to interpretation.
“The shoulder shrug indicates uncertainty,” she explains. “So if someone is saying ‘yes’ or ‘no’ but also shrugging, they’re holding something back.”
A similar red flag is physical movement that isn’t “integrated,” such as someone excitedly waving their arms about while their lower body remains stock-still—which Driver says is a sure sign of insincerity.
“When you like someone, they usually have integrated movement,” she states. “Anyone can fake a positive attitude, but you can’t really fake integrated movement.”
Yet another sign of dishonesty is eye-blinking frequency that goes beyond the norm. Everyone blinks at a different rate, according to Driver, so frequent blinking alone isn’t revealing in itself, but only when it becomes out of character with an increased rate.
And on a final note, Driver says one of the best nonverbal moves you can make is to simply quiet down and listen up.
“I use the acronym WAIT—for Why Am I Talking?—to remember how key listening is, [during negotiation],” she says, adding that one of her favorite improv exercises focuses on the topic.
“You just break into groups of two and have a chat where each person has to start off their next sentence with the last word of the other person’s sentence,” she explains, adding that the activity reveals how infrequently we really listen.
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