Tuning Into You: How to Reset and Balance Your Nervous System

Season 5, Episode 7

Tuning Into You: How to Reset and Balance Your Nervous System

Guest: Kyel Godfrey-Ryan, CEO and Founder, TUNE

Do you find yourself constantly navigating stress and overwhelm? Kyel Godfrey-Ryan, CEO and founder of TUNE, shares insights and resources to reset and balance your nervous system in order to live a healthier, more peaceful life. 

Listen now:

Listen to more Dare to Interrupt podcasts: www.MeetingsToday.com/Dare-to-Interrupt.

Meet Our Guest

Kyel has been a leader in the wellness industry for the last 12 years. Her most recent venture has circled around the intersection of nervous system balance and technology. TUNE is a performance technology for the nervous system that also produces hemispheric neural balance. Outside of work, Kyel is a fellow at CBS, a co-founder of the non-profit Press Forward and lives with her two children on a working horse farm outside of New York City. Visit her website: www.staytuned.co. 

Connect with Kyel: 
LinkedIn
Instagram: @kyelgodfreyryan
Website: www.staytuned.co 
 

More About Our Host

Courtney believes that transforming past experiences into impactful conversations through raw, authentic storytelling challenges the status quo, connects people from all walks of life and results in great change for the world.

Courtney is the youngest member to have ever been elected to Meeting Professionals International’s (MPI) International Board of Directors.

She is the recipient of Smart Meetings’ Entrepreneur Award, MeetingsNet’s Changemaker Award, the Association for Women in Events (AWE) Disruptor Award, the MPI Chairman’s Award and MPI RISE Award.

Named Collaborate and Connect Magazine’s 40 under 40 and a Meetings Today Trendsetter.

Recognized as one of the event industry’s most impactful change-makers, Courtney serves on the Events Industry Sexual Harassment Task Force, AWE’s Board of Directors, MPI’s Women’s Advisory Board, is a Meetings Mean Business Ambassador and is the co-founder of the award-winning movement, #MeetingsToo.

Courtney was named as a 2020 Meetings Trendsetter by Meetings Today.

Connect with Courtney:
Website
LinkedIn
Instagram: @courtneyonstage
Twitter: @courtneyonstage
Facebook

Transcript:

Editors note: The following transcription was facilitated by AI program Otter.ai and proofed by our editors. Although it is very accurate, there inevitably will be some mistakes, so please consider that when reading. Thank you.

Courtney Stanley  

Hello everybody, this is Courtney Stanley and welcome to another episode of Dare to Interrupt, the only podcast made by women for women in the world of events, hospitality, tourism and beyond. We hope you feel empowered as you listen in on honest, unfiltered conversations with leaders who are considered to be the most influential, inspiring and innovative women in business today. Throughout their careers, these leaders have dared to interrupt conversations, their own comfort zones, and sometimes even societal norms to hustle toward their greatest levels of success. I'm very excited to introduce you to today's guest. Here with me. I have Kyel Godfrey-Ryan, CEO and founder of TUNE, Kyel, what is going on? Where in the world are you? And how are you doing?

Kyel Godfrey-Ryan

I am so happy to be here. First of all, so thank you so much for inviting me and physically right now. I am on a horse farm. I live most of the time in a horse farm in New Jersey. And but I'm about 45 minutes from the city, when I say the city that for me, that means New York City, and I'm there about half of most weekdays.

Courtney Stanley  

Have you always been on a farm? Or is this? Was this an adult decision that you made? 

Kyel Godfrey-Ryan

No, this isn't a little bit of a COVID breakdown. I am primarily born and raised in New York City. That is where I've raised awesome my kids for the majority of their lives. But for us in COVID. That second year was really hard for our kids, my daughter at 13 spent her whole seventh grade year, asynchronous in her room. So I sort of felt like I had to break everything. And I did. I did. There now we live on a horse farm.

Courtney Stanley  

I love that. Do you think that you'll ever go back to the city living there full time? Or is this this is the new way of life that you're sticking to?

Kyel Godfrey-Ryan

I think that though it took me a few years, I deeply appreciate the serenity of a farm. I love growing my own food. I love living on a dirt road. So I am building a life where I can I get to do both. 

Courtney Stanley  

I love that that's very special and very cool. I want to give the audience an opportunity to just get to know you a little bit better. And from what I've learned about you previous to this podcast episode, there is a lot to learn. So I'd love for you just to kind of take us through maybe a little bit of your like you mentioned you used to be an actress like when when did this career journey start for Kyle? And what has it transformed into today?

Kyel Godfrey-Ryan

That is a great question. I definitely have had many iterations of my life. But when I was younger, from four until 19, I was a professional actress. In the early part of my career, I focused on stage I still love that part. I love the collaboration part. So so much. And then I spent like 13 to 19 I grew and I was at that awkward stage where I wasn't really hireable because I was too tall to play a 13 year old. So I did a bunch of modeling and commercial work, which I felt very dehumanizing. And I I'm such a nerd. 

So then I went I went to school, I started studying politics and journalism. And my first part of my career was with the Democratic Party, I was helping run Democratic campaigns up and down the northeast coast. And then from there, I worked with Charlie Rose. For for a while I really was I was deeply passionate around how do we communicate political issues. Part of my focus was certainly in the Middle East. But I'm not sure if your audience knows there were some things with Charlie Rose, I actually happen to be the first person who who allow their name to come forward actually around Charlie, it's a longer story and we definitely don't have to get into that but like I'm, I'm more than okay. The reason why I gave my name is because there were a lot of other women that were too afraid. 

So, I, I left, I left politics in journalism at that time, and I had a lot of soul searching. I was physically quite sick by that period of time as well. And I needed to figure out how How can I help people through a different path? Maybe it isn't systems, that would be the only way. And then from there, I got a degree in neural nutrition. And I ended up launching my first company, which was a combination. It was like a functional health practice in New York City. So we had Andy's and alternative practitioners and health coaches trained in our modalities. Nutrition, we were putting people on these, like really high impact plans, transformational plans, actually, and I really love that work. But I think my political background kinda got the best of me. So then, by 2016, I, in our practice, we spent a lot of time on somatic therapies and support with the nervous system. 

But to be honest, after that election, 2016, it kind of broke my my worldview a little bit. And I was like, You know what? The truth is, everybody needs help. No one's feeling great. I don't know anyone that wakes up in the morning and has abundant energy, like there's, the problems are a lot bigger than what I'm just focusing on with my very high end clients. So I sold my practice. And I launched an experiment, which led to what I'm still doing today that was tune, the idea of that technology was, could I build a technology that was simple and accessible, that allowed people's nervous systems and brains to be balanced rapidly. 

So sessions only 15 minutes. And can that allow them to have enough of a baseline to be able to get through their days in a way that they feel present and grounded and happy. And it took a bunch of work, but we felt it and we're here. 

Courtney Stanley  

And actually, that's where I got to meet you because I was at a conference where the technology was being showcased, which I loved. And I did get to try, and I thought it was such a cool experience. And, gosh, if I'm trying to think of how we describe the experience to the audience, because, you know, tune is probably a new concept for many of our listeners. So how would you describe the experience from from start to finish and what is happening at that time, if somebody were to come in for 15 minutes session?

Kyel Godfrey-Ryan

Sure. So the company is named tune and the device itself we also refer to as a tune. And it essentially is an instrument for the human body, so you actually lay down on it, the experience is likened to a medical grade sound bath. 

So the vibrations that come from underneath the instrument that you feel in your body, those are actually frequencies that we got from charting the human body there infrasonic waves that will go through and literally communicate to the body in the language it speaks. And then those vibrations are crossfaded, through neural music that you hear through the headphones. 

Our neural music is created by our team of neural musicians. So this 15 minute experience is your own individualized, customized, like 15 minute journey where the hemispheres of your brain get balanced, your nervous system goes from stress to relaxation, and the last few minutes, your brainwaves will be set to high gamma, which is what they call flow state, and happiness. endorphins are released through your body, which is why at the end of the session, you feel sort of smiley, maybe a little giggly, you feel deeply present, you feel lighter in your body, and then it's a fast follow of more focus, more energy, better sleep at night, you know, all that other kind of stuff you got to play with. When

Courtney Stanley

People come to you, what would you say are some of the most common complaints or issues that they're looking to solve by going through this experience with tune?

Kyel Godfrey-Ryan

Yeah, so are our audiences a fairly high end Audience, they're really the performance people, you know, these are the we really work with that top 10% Particularly when we talk to travel, we're in the travel and leisure or the tech industry or hospital system. So they're dealing with stress, anxiety, depression, and lack of sleep. Like they're, they're essentially dealing with the symptoms of burnout from living a high impact life in the modern world. Mm

Courtney Stanley  

Hmm. And it sounds like you know, from what you've shared about your journey, you were experiencing a lot of those struggles and that led to this shift in your career and also just what you became very passionate about. If you think back to that time, what was life like? What were you experiencing?

Kyel Godfrey-Ryan

When I you When I was in politics were just like developing like, what was what was so stressful. So though I can tell you, I grew up in a very non traditional way, for sure. And I developed coping mechanisms that were probably corrosive for my nervous system. I'm sure that's just part of being a young like working actress, and then that sort of environment. 

But by the time I was working in politics and working for for Charlie Rose, my system was so primed to always been on high alert, always been stressed, that I actually was one of the things I was I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue, at 23, which is absolutely insane. And to me, that really felt like a breaking point where a diagnosis diagnoses like that they come with medication, it's that you're looking at the rest of your life. And that was really the shift for me where I was like, Okay, there's gotta be a better path. 

And if I can't find access to it in this route, what are alternative routes? Which for me, I began with nutrition where I'm like, Where can I start taking responsibility? Where can I heal? What have I been doing wrong. And through that, that's when I started to discover there's this entire world out there. And I'm still incredibly passionate about that. And that's, though, tune doesn't provide all the solutions. 

What I love about this technology is it makes it now so much easier for you to do the things that are better for yourself. Because I think we're the wellness world now and 2024. So different than it was when I started playing with us in 2010. Everyone knows the right thing to eat, everyone knows we need to meditate, everyone knows that we need to exercise, but we can't do it. Because our systems are so overloaded and stressed out, we just want to be able to get through the day. 

And, but if you can get that reset, and all of a sudden you have access to all of your resources, it's so much easier to come home and be like, You know what, I have it in me to spend 30 minutes making a meal for myself and my family that is nutritious. And actually I have more Reese's resources after that, where I can sit with my family, and my friends. And we can communicate and have like special experiences, because I'm not so wiped out just from existing.

Courtney Stanley  

So, I will say that most people listening probably have experienced or are experiencing that type of chronic stress, or just constantly living in that fight or flight state of adrenaline and anxiety. And we've seen, you know, articles come out year after year after year with a list of very stressful jobs, and what are the most stressful industries. And the role of the event planner tends to land on in the top five of those five most stressful jobs in the country. And that's, you know, sitting alongside emergency room doctors and very what you would think of as very high stress roles. 

So the likelihood that there are people that are tuning into this that have just been in that mode of survival, or adrenaline, or just for years or decades on end is Hi. So I think it's a it's really helpful to hear that it was the diagnosis that kind of opened your eyes to or opened your mind to maybe there are different ways I can be existing and operating in this world. And it's helpful to hear that the first thing that you did was you started asking questions around your diet, and then that led to all of these other things that you could do. 

When I hear you say, you know, everybody knows that diet matters. Exercise is important. Meditation is helpful. I think you're right. But I think that there is potentially a mindset shift that has to happen to make the jump from knowing and doing Do you feel like there was something in you that clicked that snapped that helped you turn ideas and information into taking action and living a completely different lifestyle in order to reach that reset?

Kyel Godfrey-Ryan

That's a great question. I think I tend to be a little bit hardcore and I'm fine. I'm fine experimenting on myself. So for me the catalyst was being getting diagnoses and having medical scripts written for me and I was like now I if I fill these, my mindset was like if I fill these then I'm sick. And then I had met this. So like, let me figure out something else, because I don't want to live the rest of my life like that. 

But I think from working with hundreds of clients over the years, and then getting to hear people's stories from tuned, because I think at this point, we're like we've had over 40,000 sessions. I think that the the true issue is not willpower from people, I think we lie to them. And we say that, like, if you were just if you just had more willpower, you would eat better, you wouldn't like to have your midnight cravings or, you know, if you just like, will just wake up an hour earlier and go to the gym. But you don't do that. Because like you're lazy, like no, I'd actually don't think that that's accurate at all, I think that modern society doesn't make it easy for people to take care of themselves to begin with, it makes it incredibly complicated. 

We're put in synthetic environments that are that don't necessarily align with our circadian rhythm with horrible light, quick food is poisonous food, you know, like, we just make it really hard. And then on top of that, you have relationships or children or other responsibilities, it's just like, there's not a lot of time. And that lifestyle alters our autonomic nervous system. 

So instead of being able to naturally go in between fight and flight, which is a beautiful, powerful state of organization, actually, and then bound to the state of rest and recovery, we are locked into the state of fight or flight because it's required for us to stay there so that we can function the way that we need to in the world that we exist in. So the way that I look at it, as I say, tune, kind of like as an upgrade for OLS. Like, I don't want people to do less, I want people to get to do more. And I want to then allow our bodies to upgrade to the new requirements that are put on upon us. Mm hmm.

Courtney Stanley  

Gosh, I think you put that so eloquently, where we're not being set up for success. And I guess my the question that I want to ask to give people an opportunity to make this switch is, let's say, you know, maybe they don't have this Wake Up Call of, you know, a medication that's been prescribed or diagnosis that's been delivered. 

Is there? Is there any advice that you can give, even with the clients that you work with that come to tune, where they can start to really take control of taking themselves out of this state of chronic stress and shifting into a place where you are today? Or your clients have gotten to today? Let's say they don't have access to tune? Like, what's it like? What can they be doing for their brains that help them reset and get them into a better state of being?

Kyel Godfrey-Ryan

Yeah, so right now, we're not even at our 20th public location of today. And we have a bunch of locations and corporate spaces, but those are not accessible to the public. So for the likelihood is the majority of your listeners don't have access to tune. 

So I think the first step is a, an honest assessment with yourself. And that includes a conversation of, I love you, you are not broken, I know you're doing the best that you can do. But let's see what that looks like. Let's see, like, where are the specific things that are happening in my lifestyle, that I know are directly impacting and making my life worse. And before I look at changing those things, one, what is awareness? And what are those things to before I do this change, I need to integrate some version of somatic therapy and that you can do it at home and it can be free. And somatic therapy can literally be breath work. 

And it can be as simple it can change your life, it can be as simple as three minutes, three times a day of box breathing, it can be tapping again, you can look up things on YouTube, there's a somatic therapy of tapping exercises are very, very impactful. It can be chanting, which sounds like it's like esoteric and religious, but it's like it's actually really it's really not it's another version of breathing of like making specific sounds with your vocal cords that balance your nervous system, but you got to start doing something to to allow your nervous system to calm down. And once you have practiced these for a few weeks, privately, then the next most important thing that you do which can be a non negotiable is your sleep pattern. 

And I for the event industry for the travel industry. This is incredibly hard because everyone's on the road all the time. But that means like you're gonna have to sacrifice If at times certain dinners, that means you're going, you're gonna have to really start building your life, maybe you have to stay in a city overnight, so you can get to sleep. Because if your circadian rhythm is out of balance, that will throw off every other clock in your body, and you literally have hundreds of clocks in your body, every single organ is tied to a clock. 

And things don't happen at the exact same time. But if your circadian rhythm is not balanced, meaning 90% of your life, you're going to bed exactly at the same time and waking up at the same time, you're, it's going to be very, very hard to balance your nervous system without really extreme outside intervention.

Courtney Stanley  

That is so helpful. Let me just say like, I feel like I keep hearing the word somatic over and over and over again, what does that actually mean? So I know you talked about, you know, the chanting and tapping and breathwork. But if someone's never heard of somatic therapy, how would you describe that to them?

Kyel Godfrey-Ryan

Somatic therapy are essentially like treatments or things that you can do directly to the body. They all alter the nervous system, there's actually no medication that can alter the nervous system. There are specific forms of meditation that can alter the nervous system, but they take many, many months to become a master app before you start having the impacts. So somatic therapy would be anything that's directly to the body breath work, I think, is a really good baseline that everybody everybody can do. But if you've been to a sound bath, lots of somatic treatment, as an example.

Courtney Stanley  

And then when you talk about the circadian rhythm, what I know you said it's kind of the same time you wake up the same time you go to bed, but what is the body's circadian rhythm? What does that mean? So

Kyel Godfrey-Ryan

We are we are mammals. And part of being a mammal, is that we are all tied to daylight cycles, we are not, we are not, we are not nocturnal. Now, because of electricity, we're not going to be able to go to bed when the sun sets. But we can do ourselves a favor and make sure that all of our technology is off, and we're in the dark every single night by 10pm. And I know that sounds nerdy, but if you are experiencing any version of overwhelm, stress, anxiety, depression, the the most impactful thing you can do right after making sure that you're not consuming a diet that is primarily poison, is making sure that your your day and night cycles are not interrupted. 

And in the beginning, if you're someone that you see that's used to go into bed at what I am hearing 10 sounds and saying, but but this will be a practice, you can even just be in the dark without your technology and your body will reset because it it's it is designed to now when I say you have hundreds of internal clocks, you actually have hundreds of internal clocks. So your liver has seven series of detoxes as an example, the first three cannot happen unless you're sleeping by 10pm.

Courtney Stanley  

That's it and you have to be asleep by 10pm. Yeah,

Kyel Godfrey-Ryan

So entering and entering those brainwaves of satsang. Interesting what?

Courtney Stanley  

So what's happening at that 10pm time.

Kyel Godfrey-Ryan

So every single every single organ has its own circadian rhythm that is tied to the larger circadian clocks. But if you were thinking of a lot of the organs, those kinds of cycles or detox cycles, so when is it safe to release this kind of bile, or this kind of toxin, when is the gallbladder then it like, you know, will have this reaction, let's say in the kidneys, and then we understand this will happen with the adrenals. 

And the gallbladder will do that, like everything works as beautiful, perfect harmony, to keep our body moving forward in the best state possible. But we in these brilliant 250,000 year old bodies are overloading it with, with toxic air, that's not our fault and water that is polluted. That's not our fault and food that is laden with chemicals that are not our fault. 

But that does put extra stress on the body. And then on top of that we're not sleeping and then on top of that we're not experiencing daylight. And then on top of that we're isolated and we're not living in community, like all of the things that our bodies and our brains developed in partnership with our normal lives have cut us off from that. So in some ways, we do have this requirement to have to take these extra steps just to give our bodies the chance to operate properly. 

But then the side effect of depression. It's not that something's wrong with us. It's not like oh, well we have I can't alkyl and balance like no, you're, you're experiencing symptoms of depression because your body isn't able to live in the way that it was designed.

Courtney Stanley  

Mm hmm. I want to ask you about alcohol. So we I mean, many people tuning in many of us probably consume especially because we're going to all these you know, networking events and conferences and dinners and, and whatever. And I remember you had mentioned that you have stopped drinking alcohol for the last year. Is it something like that?

Kyel Godfrey-Ryan

Yeah, in January, I stopped drinking January. Okay,

Courtney Stanley  

So what's your perspective on alcohol and its impact on the body? What was behind that decision that you made to just cut it out completely? I want to hear more about that.

Kyel Godfrey-Ryan

Though alcohol is such a bummer because I personally, this is from my personal perspective. I love alcohol. I love like an amazing Margarita that makes me so happy. I love a super dirty martini or like a beautiful crisp glass of like Sancerre I, I really love alcohol. And I don't have an issue over consuming with alcohol. There were two reasons why I cut it out. One, it became unfortunately glaringly obvious over the last five years, how all of our studies were showing that alcohol does cause neurodegeneration. 

It really messes with your hormones. And it turns off your metabolism in terms of fat burning. And I know this, and I live a fairly clean life. COVID was harder, but like I live a fairly clean life. And it got to the point where I was like, Okay, well, let me see if I can just live with cutting it down a bit. So like, you know, not a big deal. I have like two drinks a week. But then my body, I'm 41 now I would have hangovers that would last more than a day. And I was like, what, buddy, I am doing the right things. And I'm going to sleep. 

And I'm exercising, and I'm meditating. And obviously I'm tuning in every day, which really helps get rid of hangovers. And yet my body was still just, my body was rejecting it. And it I got to the point where I was like, I can't afford to be hungover. I don't like feeling bad. I if I'm not 100% I don't like it. So I want to be able to have access to that. And it was really, it was impacting my ability to sleep properly for two to three nights after having even a drink, let alone like I'm with friends. God forbid, I have like two or three. Yeah.

Kyel Godfrey-Ryan

Yes, son. So I was like, Alright, let me just not drink for a while and see what happens. And that started this January of 2024. And I have to say, unfortunately, I felt so much better. Just cut in. I couldn't believe how much better I felt and how my body was far more resilient, where I'm like, shoot, like I'm traveling, I have to take a red eye. And you know, I live a pretty high impact life. But I could go a night or two where I'm having four hours of sleep a night and I'm fine the next day. But if I had a drink, plus sleep like that, I would be shocked. 

There's not that I'm not I still have the work to do. I just am not performing in a way that I like, the social thing isn't great. But like, you know, when we, when we met, I just sort of explained it. I feel like I have to tell people like I'm I'm not an AAA because I don't want cuz there's so many people are sober now. And I don't want to put someone in a situation where they're like, I'm a friend of bills, and they want to connect me and that I have to just be like, this is a choice. Right? Right. And I support you but I'm sorry. It's not it's not that. And I've it's forced me to to get really comfortable in my skin. Like, how can I have fun and stay sober.

Courtney Stanley  

When you told me that you had been drinking in months, I was really excited. And I know that's not a normal response. But I have become really frustrated with the pressure that comes with drinking. in social settings. This has been this was probably one of my top complaints last year where I would be traveling all the time. I'd be at conferences all the time. And here's the thing if I'm at a conference, I'm not attending the conference, I'm hustling so I'm speaking I'm interviewing like I have I have to be on I have to be fresh. If I am not fresh. I see it on camera. I can see it in photos on camera in the mirror. And I also am just I have been I'm much more health focused over the last couple of years and alcohol I is quite frankly poisoned for the body. 

So I have really, for the most part stopped drinking at events and conferences. I still, you know, drink at home with friends socially. But if I have to do things, if I have to be working, it's not going to happen. But what I found that came with that even in social settings to so not just work settings, was so much pressure and guilt and so many questions and just kind of like forced attempts at drinks like it. It's really annoying. 

So I was really excited when you said that you weren't drinking anymore. I was like, great. Like, I love that, that makes me happy to hear because I know you're not going to be one of those people that's trying to pour a shot down my throat when they buy for the whole table. And you've said you don't want one? And is that something that you feel like you had to deal with at the beginning to where people were just like, why weren't you drinking? Like, we're here to have a good time, it's like, you can't have a good time without it like, is that a thing was that a thing for you to watch?

Kyel Godfrey-Ryan

The peer pressure part, I think is really interesting. I stopped drinking at work, stuff probably, like around 2016 2017, for the same exact reasons that you're talking about, like, I just can't not, I can't not be fresh. And I also have a fairly low tolerance. So I didn't even want to feel that like,say loose. 

But then you're at these work events. And you are you're very charismatic and charming. And there's like an element then where people are like, Okay, well when we're outside of the official workspace, and this is a way that we can bond. And if you say that you aren't drinking, it's almost as if like, oh, well, then, you know, we're not going to be at the same level. And like we're missing out on the specific kind of opportunity that I'm looking for. And that part is a little bit complicated. So what I I do is I try to, you know, explain pretty quickly, like, it's really because I can't be hungover and I cannot sleep. And you know, this is why I'm doing it. 

And I encourage people around me to drink. And I will be drinking something like usually like sparkling water and lime. But I've learned to kind of match the energy of the space. So it's like, I probably wouldn't be that fun. If it's like people are going out. It's like a 10 drink night like I wouldn't probably be your girl, I probably have to duck out after the third drink. Because I'm not going to be able to be on that specific wavelength but in the workspaces. I think I've been able to make people feel more comfortable where I'm okay being vulnerable and raw, and I'm sharing and I don't actually have to be a need created it all to be as open as your be after two or three drinks.

Courtney Stanley  

Yeah, I completely agree with that, and can relate to that, too. And I just Yeah, I find that there's, it's so it's so Elementary, but there's like name calling that comes with it like your grandma. You're no fun. You're a buzzkill. Like whatever. And for me personally, I very much believe in like doing what is authentic to you to your needs, your values, your vibe, like and I don't, I don't care what anybody else does. 

Like, I don't care if you want to have three bottles of wine, like if that's your vibe, and that's what you want to do. Like, go for it. And like there's no judgment, there's nothing that comes along with it. But I ask that you also don't care about what I do. 

So if I choose to do my thing, like just leave me be let me do my thing. I don't know why it's become like this group business. If somebody's not aligning with the group behavior. It's just, it's weird to me, and I find that it happens so much more with alcohol than really anything else in a social setting. It's a very, I get it like it's a very common cultural way to bond in our society. But it's so unhealthy. It's so unhealthy.

Kyel Godfrey-Ryan

Yeah, I think they're actually judging themselves. I think it's projection. Yeah. And then and then they're putting it on you because I agree. Like I don't care what people do. But part of it had to be practice so like this year, I intentionally met friends for drinks at bars and I you know, I wouldn't drink but it literally was practice because like, what is it like being in these environments and I'm not looking to make other people feel uncomfortable, nor do I not want bars nor do I not want to be around alcohol nor do I like all you know, I don't want to be around a bunch of to sober people, if the idea that they're at like removing fun from their lives, I want fun. I want it to be first. 

So yeah, but yeah, it is it is definitely, it is definitely interesting. I find that people pressure me less when I can just say like, you know, I'm really not gonna sleep or my stomach's gonna be messed up the whole next day, like if you are in a social situation and you slightly graphic but if you're like, if I have a drink, I'm gonna have diarrhea next day. They're like, You know what? We're good. Good for you.

Courtney Stanley  

I just debated telling people I was pregnant. I was like, I'm just gonna tell everyone who asks that I'm pregnant, and that I don't want to talk about it. And that's just gonna get out. And everyone's like, but like, Quinta, you've been pregnant for three years? And you're like, yeah, yes. I'm an elephant. And it's none of your business. How long this gestation process is?

Courtney Stanley  

We're taking our time. Okay. Yeah, that's what's happening here. Various,

Kyel Godfrey-Ryan

I'm going to give birth to a five year old, okay. That's my plan.

Courtney Stanley

We're skipping, you know, the tough years, we're just gonna go straight to year five. Toddlers are the worst. Oh, my gosh, my I love my nieces so much. I have no kids. But I have two nieces. And one of them is three and a half now. And it's like, she's so precious. It is a whole different person. It is a whole different personality, different behaviors. Like you hear about it, you hear people talking about, you know, toddler stage, but my goodness, it's it is up and down. It's a roller coaster.

Kyel Godfrey-Ryan

I love it so much. I love being a mom, I would definitely have more kids. The toddler phase is so interesting, because they start having autonomy, they actually have this this shift where they realize that they aren't connected, directly connected to their environment and their parents. Because before that they really see themselves as an extension children are. They're neurologically designed to mimic their environment. 

And they believe they're part of the environment. And that like no phase is like, Oh, wait, I'm not part of I am, I am an autonomous creature. And I can say no, and I have I can exert will and independence over my body. And it's so it's that they're just these little creatures that are developing. 

So it comes across with like, it's very antisocial. It's very selfish. It can be very explosive at times. And you're like, wait, you just went from this, like amazing, incredible, like, mush of a bean. And now in the middle of a store screaming at me.

Courtney Stanley  

Yeah, I What's really interesting, though, is like the, you know, tantrums aside. I love that. They're so good at setting boundaries. Like, even just hearing you describe that and like, Yeah, but should we should we tap back into kind of that autonomous phase of our lives where we first realize that we can say no, and we have the ability to do whatever we want to do. 

Now, of course, you know, toddlers are not doing everything they want to do. They're testing boundaries, and realizing what's okay and what's not. But I just find that really interesting. I'm like, like, what can we take away from that particular chapter of a child's life and apply to our own in terms of boundary setting, and really, just truly sticking to your values?

Kyel Godfrey-Ryan

I 100% agree. I like actually, I practice this form of parenting, called ra II. It's like a very hippie form of parenting. But it actually teaches it from a very young age, it teaches the children to be to balance their own nervous system, truly feel incredibly comfortable with their body. And it's this process of speaking to them from six weeks on with full description of their environment and what is happening, so you do things with them and not to them, like you'd be like, I am putting on a sock on your right foot now, but then you'll see like, by the time they're four months old, you say that before you do it, and I lift up their foot because they understand how they're a part of their environment. 

And the benefit of that isn't just that they actually don't end up having tantrums, but they have an understanding of what boundaries mean, in a way that is good for them. Without it being a way that is bad for the environment around them. So it's really it is actually very, it's it's a really interesting form apparently, but it is it does get to the stage of when they are when they are toddlers. It is important for them to be able to say and recognize and they do like I am tired. Oh great. You're tired. 

Of course this is this. This is the time you usually taken up. You don't have to have a tantrum. We're going to make sure your needs are completely taken care of because you voiced what you You need, which is like you need restaurant now. And now your community can support that need. Mm hmm.

Courtney Stanley  

How does that I'm like, I wanted to I want to connect the dots between this parenting style with kids, and maybe this is too much of a stretch. And like how we reparent ourselves in that way, as adults?

Kyel Godfrey-Ryan

That's a really great question. So I for your, your listeners, I recommend researching the work of Magdalena Gerber, she's the person that created this form of parenting, she actually started by this in institutional schools, so essentially orphanages, and hungry, so like, these are kids that would have the worst results. And all of a sudden, these are the kids that were able to become like, have the highest scores in high school and have the best jobs because they were able to understand themselves. 

But I think the idea of like how to reparent comes back to actually kind of our earlier conversation of like, understanding where where your needs are, I think the the way that we do the things for ourselves that aren't necessarily helpful is because we don't know what our needs are. It's, it's sort of this question, this thing I talk about, in a lot of speeches, I give around how I came to this conclusion, unfortunately, on our about a decade ago, where if you ask someone, what does it mean to be happy, but it may say, describe what happiness feels like. But please don't describe it connected to drugs, alcohol sucks a person or a place. 

So what does it mean to be happy in your body? And people don't know what that feels like. They truly have no idea like, what does it even mean to feel good in my own body. But if you don't have that baseline, it's really hard to start making other choices for yourself that are good for yourself. So at a young age, if we get to teach our kids like, these are the things that you need to feel good. It's far easier to bring in more of that, including the people and the places and the opportunities that align with that same feeling.

Courtney Stanley  

Wow, I think that's, I think that's such a great question, to have the audience ask themselves, what does happiness feel like in my body? And what is it that I need, and then to start to draw boundaries and set habits from there? That's really, really valuable. Kyle, I feel like we've talked about so many things today. 

And I've loved every single thing we've talked about, I loved that we were able to just tap into your knowledge, just based on all of the years of research that you have, you know, dedicated your time to just understanding wellness, and the body and your experience in this life and how you've parented like, there's been so many great things in this conversation that I think, for me have been has been really helpful to just kind of point me in different directions. 

And I'm sure I have no doubt that the audience will be excited to apply some of these questions you've asked, but also some of the tips that you've given around things like breath work, and just so many good things here. Is there anything that you feel like you haven't shared that you would love to leave the audience with? Whether it's a piece of advice, whether it's a question you want to ask them, or have them ask themselves, but any final words of wisdom that you want to share before we end?

Kyel Godfrey-Ryan

I love that question. And so I think one of the things that I'm working on is resiliency. So like, what does resiliency look like for me in all sides of my my life. And I think one of the ways I've been able to increase my own resiliency is by not taking myself too seriously. And I think as women, because our, our time is so valuable, we put a specific weight on what we produce. 

And if that is not embraced or accepted, it feels like a full rejection of ourselves in any form, whether it could be work or a relationship, a specific project a meal, it doesn't matter, it feels like it's like a full rejection of self. And if we can disconnect, take two beats, and laugh at that and be like, actually, you're right. This was a pretty shitty meal, or like, 

Okay, this project did not go the way I wanted or it wasn't accepted the way that I wanted it to be. But this is a learning experience, and that's okay. And I am going to be able to laugh at this later because it's not a rejection of me. It's a level motion of things that I'm I'm doing. So I think that was a long winded answer. But I think that resiliency is, is key and lack of seriousness about everything might help us get there.

Courtney Stanley  

I'm really into the lack of seriousness, like, Yes, more laughter and more honestly, being able to make fun of ourselves. Like, I totally appreciate the, you know, take a step back, like, don't make it about yourself or something personal if somebody gives you feedback on a project. But I also feel like, life is so much more fun, when you are able to see the humor in yourself. So like, I just like, I appreciate the opportunity to kind of like, make fun of myself if I do something ridiculous or silly. 

Or if I overreact to something or react away that just didn't need to happen. Like it's, it's more fun to be able to just have those moments of laughing at yourself. And I think, for me, that's become something that's more important than it has been before. Because historically, I have been someone who's taken myself very seriously, where I've been extremely career driven. And you know, everything's been, I want it to go this way. And there's been a lot of control in that. And over the past couple of years, I think I've really just organically and intentionally let go. 

And life has just been so much lighter, I think and more fun because of that opportunity not to take everything, including myself so seriously. So I really appreciate those words as what you want to resound with our audience.

Kyel Godfrey-Ryan

Anything thank you so much for having me. This was so much fun.

Courtney Stanley  

This was so much fun. I'm like we could probably talk for six hours, but we won't. We'll save that for later. But I I appreciate you so much Kyle for being here for sharing so much wisdom with our audience and of course, audience thank you all for tuning in. 

Check out tune by the way, cartoon that was not meant to be very punny, but it was so please check out tune which is Kyle's company, very cool. You can actually bring the product to your conferences and events, which is how Kyle and I met. I got to experience it for myself. It gives your attendees an opportunity to take a break and reset and try something new that's really great for their nervous system. 

So definitely check out tune. And of course, share what you learned from this episode with us on social media by following at @MeetingsToday and at @ Courtneyonstage. And be sure to never miss an episode by subscribing to dare to interrupt on Apple podcast, Spotify, Stitcher, Google podcasts and more. 

Don't take yourselves too seriously. Stay inquisitive and keep daring to interrupt my friends. Until next time.