The Z: Using Your Magnetic Presence to Cultivate Lasting Connections

In this Meetings Today Podcast for Taylor Smith's "The Z: Planning for the Industry's Next Generation," Smith has a vulnerable conversation with Christy Renee Stehle, an award-winning hospitality professional, leadership trainer and professional speaker currently serving on the board of directors for National Speakers Association’s Georgia chapter as director of content strategy, about how to increase your magnetic presence to cultivate connections that make people remember you. Tune in now for some tips and tricks from Stehle about how to improve your storytelling skills to effectively pull people in, build rapport and create long-lasting professional relationships. 

Logging out with love,
Taylor

Connect with Christy
www.christyrenee.com
On Instagram @as_christy_sees_it
On LinkedIn @christyreneestehle

Have a question about Gen Z or a topic you’d like to learn more about? Share your thoughts with Taylor at taylor.smith@meetingstoday.com, on Instagram at @tay__writes or on X at @taywrites. 

Listen now:

Transcript:
Editors note: The following transcription was facilitated by AI program Otter.ai and proofed by our editors. Although it is very accurate, there inevitably will be some mistakes, so please consider that when reading. Thank you.

Taylor Smith
Hello, and welcome to this Meetings Today Podcast. I'm Taylor Smith, destinations and features content developer for Meetings Today, and I want to start today's episode with a little story from when I was in Louisville this past May for MPI’s World Education Congress.

There were nearly 2,000 attendees gathered at the Kentucky International Convention Center for the event, and I had the pleasure of meeting a lot of them. I mean, a lot of them. Everyone was so welcoming and kind, and I like to believe I made some genuine connections there. But there was one person I met whose connection was almost instantaneous, and we've stayed in touch since with one another more than I have with anyone else I met at WEC.

I was at the MPI closing celebration at Fourth Street Live! watching attendees ride a mechanical bull when I saw a friend standing nearby and walked up to her to say hello, and standing next to her was Christy Renee Stehle, an award-winning hospitality professional, leadership trainer and professional speaker currently serving on the board of directors for National Speakers Association’s Georgia chapter as director of content strategy.

And while Christy’s resume is exceptionally impressive, it wasn't her fancy titles or praiseworthy accomplishments that made me want to connect with her. It was her personality, her curiosity, the way she carried herself with humble confidence, that made me instantly relate to her. And through our conversation that night, I learned that Christy wasn't always this way. Building authentic connections is a skill she had to work on, like many of us in the industry, and I think it's safe to say she's cracked the code.

Now, she's a professional speaker who helps audiences understand what they need to improve presence and storytelling so that they can really pull people in, build rapport and create long-lasting professional relationships. And she's here with us today to share some of her advice and what she's learned along the way.

Thank you so much for joining me today, Christy. I'm so excited to have you.

Christy Renee
Hi. Thank you so much, Taylor. I'm happy to be here.

Taylor Smith
So, before we jump into our conversation today about building genuine connections, I want to give our listeners the opportunity to learn more about you. You've got such an amazing story to share, but I know our time is limited today. So can you give the audience the Cliff Notes version. What's your story, and how did you get to where you are today?

Christy Renee
Well, you know, I love that question, because a lot of people tend to think that I've had it made, or that I've had everything handed to me, and that couldn't be further from the truth, right? Ten years ago, I had a dream in my heart to one day travel the world. I thought, maybe, you know, by retirement, I'll be able to live this one dream. I think a lot of us think that. But at the time, I was dealing with chronic health issues so severe I couldn't even eat within my own kitchen without getting sick. So, to think that one day I would be traversing the streets of Europe and eating, you know, wine and cheese and bread and eating food from the streets of Hanoi. You know, I just it was a miracle, and all of that happened for me within one year. It was really incredible.

As my health really started to get worse and worse, the more that I put effort into it, the worse it seemed to get, and things were the darkest two weeks after I lost my parents health insurance, I aged out of it. I found a large lump in my right breast. I could have been paralyzed in fear. I mean, I was for a while, but I was faced with this decision, and I think that that was the first time that I recognized the power of the mind, and I got into alternative healing methods. And within one year of everything being the worst, I was embarking on what would end up being a five-year kind of culinary exploration abroad. I had a one-way ticket. I had a four-bedroom house that I put tenants in. I sold everything and I was gone, because coming back from that taught me, ‘Wow, we really can make impossible things happen.’ It's just the right mindset and the right application and really being able to pick yourself up again and again.

And I probably need to hear this message again today, too. It's just always picking yourself up and going again. So, I've had, I know we don't have too much time to go into my full story, but I like to say that I've lived a lot of lives since then. Right? I got to experience, as a travel, tourism writer and photographer for five years, I lived across 35 different countries. I came back. I was on this quest of courage, doing everything that scared me. And it's funny that a lot of the things that scared me fall into the realm of self-expression. I was terrified to speak in public. I could never have done a podcast like this, let alone be a professional speaker, dance, karaoke, face my fear of heights, and at the end of that. The thing that scared me the most was going back home to my hometown. Are you sure? Anything but that, right?

And I was living in Florida before I'd left on this trip, so I hadn't lived in my hometown for 15 years. And I was like, ‘Really, that's, that's what you want me to do, intuition? For sure? And I ended up so grateful because I moved back in December 2019, the world shut down. So, I made the decision to come back on my own. Things, you know, were darker before they got good, but professionally, this is where I need to be. And so, it's just been a journey again and again of overcoming adversity and triumphing and fear and having to pivot and resiliency. So I’m really happy to be here today with you and have the opportunity to look back on how far I've come, because hasn't always been easy, but it's worth it, for sure.

Taylor Smith
I'm so happy to be here today with you too, because through your story, I've found myself in your words. I've been so inspired by how, I think, we were just talking about vulnerability and the need for us to not be afraid to have these conversations, because we've all been there. Whether or not it looks like your experience or mine, we've all had those moments where we feel stuck and trapped and we just don't know which direction to go in next, and you, through your story, at least for me, have provided so much hope and optimism, and I just really love listening to you. So, thank you for being willing to share your story with our listeners today too.

Christy Renee
Well absolutely, that makes me feel so good. You know, there's something that happens when you start viewing your life, even the bad things, like a good story, and when you know if it's going to be a good story you can make people laugh at later, or feel inspired, or even show yourself, ‘I've got this because I've lived through so much,’ then the bad things that happen start to become valuable, and life just moves a little bit more differently.

Taylor Smith
100% and as a writer too, I know that every story is good content. You can always turn that into good content.

Christy Renee
Oh, yeah, it's usually the bad thing that’s really good content.

Taylor Smith
There's one story too, that I think kind of relates to this. So, I had the pleasure of seeing you in action, as in speaker mode, and want to dive into you know, later in our conversation, about your magnetic presence event training session. But first, I want to bring up a story you shared during that training that, from what I can tell, at least, kind of helped you complete your messaging and fully understand what's necessary to connect with others. So, does cliff jumping ring a bell? Can you share that story again with our audience?

Christy Renee
Oh my gosh, yes. Okay. I do love this story. Um, wow. All right, so if we back up to, let's say 2018, or so, I had the opportunity to go to a Mindvalley University conference. If you're not, if you're listening in, and you're not familiar, that is a personal and professional development platform with 10 million students worldwide. And every summer, it used to be a rotating campus. I think they've settled on one now, but they would pick a different city around the world, Estonia, Pula, Croatia, and you'd go there for a month and learn from all the best thought leaders on bio hacking and branding, personal development, speaking, all of these different topics.

And I was so shy. In 2018, I was so shy. I remember sitting in an audience and they asked a question, and I remember wanting to raise my hand so desperately, wanting to hold the mic and say, ‘My name is Christy, and I have this brilliant answer, and it's inside of me. And aren't you all wowed?’ And I chickened out, I couldn't even hold a microphone and imagine myself saying my name and a one-word answer. So, when I got invited to speak in front of a group for the first time, I was thinking, ‘Absolutely not. There's no way I'm going to do this.’

But I've just gone through a big life change, and me and the partner that I had since high school had just decided to go our separate ways while at this conference. We’d been together since childhood, 14 years, and we looked at all the peers around us who thought the same way we did, and we didn't feel so alone, and it was almost like, ‘High five, we shouldn't be together anymore. Wish you the best.’

We went to a storytelling workshop in the park the next day just to get out of the Airbnb. Well, as I'm telling my partner the story from Mindvalley, you know, and then they ask for volunteers, he volunteers me, and I don't want to go and I'm protesting, but all my protesting and him pointing over my head, like, ‘Pick her, pick her, pick her, pick her,’ I wind up on this little park bench as a stage, and I'm in front of the crowd for a first time. And as I'm telling my story, my fear starts to happen, right? They start laughing at me, and I’m like, ‘Oh, my God. Okay, just plow on. The sooner you get down to the story, the sooner you can run away and hide.’

But as I kept going, something incredible happened. Of course, they weren't laughing at me. They were laughing with me. And then they started to cry. Right before some of them were shedding some tears, they started to laugh together. And I remember looking out into the audience and feeling an energy in the air unlike anything I had ever felt. I was like, ‘This is my canvas. I found it.’ And as I got down, you know—Mindvalley, it's touchy feely. They all pulled me into this big group hug. And I remember thinking, ‘This is the terrifying thing I was so afraid of?’

So, I went to a cacao ceremony that night with some big thought leaders, Juan Pablo and Regan Hillyer, if anybody's a fan that's listening, and as the drums, shamanic drums, are going and we're all in this circle, they're like, ‘Manifest the craziest thing. Pull it to your head, the craziest thing you can think of one year from today,’ and I pictured, I had this vision of the purple behind me and the Mindvalley wings, the logo and me on stage. And I thought, ‘That's impossible. I'm a nobody. I can't do it.’ You know, all of the negative self-talk.

But then the very next day, I had the opportunity from a public speaker who said, ‘Hey, if you're terrified to speak up, raise your hand and come up on stage where we're going to do something different today. You're going to speak into the microphone why you are awesome.’ And I remember getting up there, and I had something planned, and as I got up there, it all melted away, and I looked behind me, and it was the purple logo.

I was like, ‘My name's Christy Renee, and I'm awesome because I manifested to be on this stage last night.’

And so, it was a really long journey over the next year of believing in myself enough to be able to be on that stage. I was like, ‘This just happened, I can do this.’ And as we do, sometimes I'd kind of gone down the wrong path, thinking that I had to be more than I was. I needed to be a six-figure coach to be on this stage and, you know, all of these things. And just two weeks before the event, I was like, ‘I guess it's not going to happen. I guess I'm not going to be invited.’ Wow, okay. And I remember having a different pattern of thought, and you're seeing this in my stories. It's how we think to talk to ourselves. And for the first time, instead of saying, you know, ‘Christy, you're such an idiot for applying, why would they take you, you’ve never done this. Who do you think you are?’

I told myself something different in that moment. I said, ‘You know what, Christy? It's okay. I'm proud of you for applying before you're ready, and you're gonna apply every year until you get on that stage.’

Guess what? I woke up the next morning and I had an email, ‘Christy Renee Stehle, we'd like to invite you to give your workshop. Can you please confirm you have a ticket?’ I screenshotted it. I was like ‘This, no, it's not real. It's gonna go away. I have to tell them, ‘No, I'm a nobody.’ I just accepted myself as a nobody. What?

And so I was like, ‘Okay, now I have to pull together a talk.’ I'd never been on a stage like this, Mindvalley, next to Lisa Nichols and Ben Greenfield and Eric Edmeades, all these huge thought leaders, and I was going to be on that stage. Okay, wow. What can I talk about? It has to be better than what I pitched. And I decided to speak on courage, because it took so much for me to get there, and it was the same audience that would remember me. ‘Hey, remember one year ago, I was sitting in your seats and I was terrified that I had it all planned on courage and better be ready. This is going to be awesome.’ And then just two days before the event. Two days before I was scheduled to speak, I got asked to put my money where my mouth was. I was invited cliff jumping.

Now, if I say that my biggest fear was public speaking, that's because my fear of heights was so paralyzing. No way could I have ever faced that, no way I can go cliff jumping. There's just no way. I wanted to. No way. But what was I supposed to do? Tell them, ‘Hey, I can't go cliff jumping with you, but make sure you catch my talk on courage!’

Great. So, you know, I mean, you know the story, life asked me to put my money where my mouth was, and I was pretty much forced to own my message. And I get up there, and I remember standing on the ledge, 35 feet above the Adriatic, the wind's blowing in my hair, and my toes are like curling under, like desperately trying to keep me grounded, thinking, ‘What am I doing?’

My heart's pounding. I can hear the peers behind me, like, ‘Come on, Christy, you can do it! Jump!’ And I'm up there for a long time. I'm standing there for a long time. And finally, you know somebody, I hear their voice, and they're like, ‘Do you want to count down? And in my head, I'm like, ‘Okay, that's a good idea. Maybe. Okay, yes.’ They're like, three. I'm shaking. Two. Oh, god. Oh god. One. And in that moment I was able, you know, I plugged my nose like a total dork. I hold on to my torso. I'm up and away, and I do it. I leap off that cliff, out of my metaphorical cage, and I landed in that cool, salty water. And Taylor, I am telling you, when I landed, I was so unstoppable. I had just faced the thing that I thought I could never do.

And so, what happened is that I ended up going on my dream stage, and I delivered the most magnetic, transformative performance of my life. I was inspired by what got me there. I invited those who were terrified to come up on stage, and I tricked them a little bit and how I did it, because I was talking to some others beforehand, and they're like, ‘I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it.’ And then walk them through, and you saw the full training. I evoked emotion in my audience and showed them the power and invited them to come on stage.

If you knew that facing your fear would get you the result that you wanted one year from today, could you do it? So, we had 40 people come on stage, face their fear. One went on to being an award-winning speaker because of that day, and the ripple effect that came from that, because of the person who brought me on that stage.

And so, in order to connect with people, or to really move people, this idea of evoking emotion and connecting to yourself and your confidence through courage. I always like to say that courage creates this inner confidence. And you called it a humble confidence at the beginning, and I appreciate that take on it, but it's you know, a lot of people I work with struggle feeling, ‘Well, I don't want to feel egotistical or like I'm bragging. I don't want to be boasting.’ But something happens when you push yourself to do the thing that you thought that you couldn't do. You radiate confidence, and people are attracted to that. And that's where this magnetic presence and connection comes in.

Taylor Smith
I mean, the audience can't see it, but I have goosebumps all over just listening to that story. I can relate so much, like, down to the cliff jumping aspect, because heights don't scare me as much, but open water? Absolutely, like one of my biggest fears ever. And I want to say I was like, maybe 16, and it was not a very high cliff at all. It wasn't into an ocean. It was into Lake Superior, actually, but it was the same kind of feeling.

I was with my family, and we found, like, this opportunity to go cliff jumping, and I'm up there, and it was that countdown and them believing in me and knowing that I'd be okay, and just like, ‘Okay, I can't let them down, just gotta go for it.’ And I, too, felt unstoppable the moment I hit the water, and I ended up going back up and jumping again, because it just opens your eyes to what you're capable of. And your story, I think, is a great testament to just how much we can surprise ourselves when we step out of our comfort zone and find that inner courage and confidence. So, thank you for sharing that with our listeners today. I love that story. Every time I hear it. I'm just like, wow, it just, it does leave goosebumps all over. So, you can’t make this stuff up.

Christy Renee
Right? Like, you can't make it up. And talking about the bad things that end up being the best story. I'm like, well, I got a story for you. Look what life asked me. And that's the thing too, about speaking on courage as I do, is that I'm never short for stories, right? It's like, ‘Christy, would you come and give a talk on courage?’ I'm like, ‘Oh, what am I going to be asked to do next?’ Yeah, exactly. Like, okay, this is going to be good, but it does. It gives that momentum, and you just are able to leap higher and faster and more often when you build that muscle of, ‘Okay, this is going to suck, but I'm going to do it.’

Taylor Smith
And it goes into, you know, the conversation that we're having today about how finding that inner confidence helps, like you said, draw people to you, because you radiate it, and you're able to build these authentic connections that I want to talk to you about today.

So, before we jump into how to cultivate connections, I think it's important to address why cultivating connections matters, especially in our interconnected world of meetings and events. So, what can you share with our listeners about the importance of connecting with others in that way?

[Related: The Z: Navigating the World of Networking With Mandi Graziano]

Christy Renee
Well, I'm sure everybody listening has seen it in one way or another. We are living in the most overcrowded time in history. Digitally, we're overcrowded. The job market is overcrowded. Everyone everywhere, their mom, their brother, their grandmother, probably is having a side hustle, has a business. People are selling things all the time, everywhere. If you're looking—I've heard stories—if you're looking for jobs, people will take the listing down after 12 hours, because 200 applicants have applied for this, and as much as the pandemic helped us to be able to remove some of the inconveniences of having to go into an office, and we can work remotely, and we can have a better, you know, we can fold laundry and do some house chores and have a better work-life balance.

But at the same time that's opened up borders. You don't have to be in Atlanta to have an Atlanta position. You could be anywhere in the country. So, the competition is getting fiercer and fiercer. Everyone online, you know, AI, Canva, it’s making it easier. ChatGPT made it far easier. You know, as a writer, it's more accessible to a lot of people.

So, as we're living in this world where, you know, competition is fierce, the markets are overcrowded. How are you going to get the position, or how are you going to get the gig, or how are you going to plan the events and have people there and tell your story? People and consumers have so many choices. How are you going to stand out?

It's coming from your connections. And there's a reason that maybe we stayed in touch more than anybody else at WEC, because I understand the value of connections.

The last gig I just got came from somebody who's worked with me directly who recommended me, and so even if they've had all of hundreds of other applicants, they're like, ‘Oh, well, Christy, we know she's going to be great, because we have this testimonial from someone we already trust.’ And it really comes down to trust when you're talking about building these relationships, and even if you're wanting to—you know, my background is in branding and marketing, and if you're wanting to sell something online or pull people in, trust is key, right?

It's not enough just to post about it. It's not enough just to be there and show up. You need to evoke emotion, get them to feel, drive them to action. And really, all of that comes down to trust. And so, the fastest way to cultivate trust is through the connections that you have.

So, if you want to stand out in 2024 and beyond, no matter what industry you're in, no matter what field you're in, you have to build your network. And your network is your net worth. I love that quote for a reason. It's so true.

Taylor Smith
It is so true. And I think people don't always realize that, especially, like I say all the time, it's sometimes in this industry, it's more about who you know than what you know. And even if, like you said, you maybe didn't even apply for a speaker gig, but someone recommended you, and above all the applicants, you're the one who gets picked because you've had that opportunity to connect and build rapport and find those people in the industry who are going to uplift you and open doors for you.

What are some of the most common mistakes and assumptions people make when networking and trying to connect with other industry professionals that may prevent them from building that trust that you're talking about?

Christy Renee
You know, I feel like you just said that. That's such a perfect next question, because you just kind of, you said the answer. It’s like you said, building rapport. And people make the mistake of just jumping straight in and trying to sell something. And I see this all the time at networking events, and I think the idea is that, well, we're at a networking event to build and grow business. So, we should be talking about business and pitching business, right? Wrong, wrong, wrong, and people make that mistake all the time.

I remember at WEC, I love telling the story as well. I ended up sitting with a woman in silence at a lunch table for 15 minutes, and when I told the story in the training, people were so shocked, I kind of set them up a little bit, right, to expect the answer is that I pitched her right away. I was like, ‘Who here thinks that, you know, we sat in silence for 15 minutes?’ And crickets, right? And I'm like, ‘Oh, you're all wrong.’ We sat in silence because I had dropped into the present moment. And I think that that's a mistake a lot of us make is that we're nervous, so we're in our head, and we're thinking about what to say, and we're thinking about how to pitch, and maybe we've been taught that this elevator pitch is something we need to have, and so we're rehearsing it in our heads, and the first chance we get, it's almost like word vomit. And somebody is like, maybe they take your card to be polite, or maybe, you know, the worst happens, you get up and it's still with their plate and their trash on the table when they go to leave.

So, if you take the time to drop into the present moment, which could be a whole topic on its own, that was something very, very difficult for me for a long time. But I did that, and walking into WEC lunch on the second day, it was in a different Hall. And so, when I opened this door, I felt like I was opening it to like, Narnia. I was like, ‘What is this room?’ There are people sitting everywhere. I was outside of my industry. I'd push myself out of my comfort zone to be there. And so, the first view I get of mostly full tables, thousands of attendees, laughing, joking, enjoying time with their industry buddies. I was intimidated for sure, so that's when I get in my head, and that's when the doubt voice kicks in for us.

And so, I used to allow that to hijack my thoughts and behaviors, but now I know that that's a trigger. ‘Okay, let me slow down to the present.’

So, I was able to see that a woman whose path crossed mine as I went into the present, she was distracted, and she had mentioned she didn't have a lot of time. It's not worth trying to find her friends. I have to be somewhere too. And I knew the 2 p.m. invite-only meant she was a big deal, so I didn't rush it. We sat down. I waited. I was like, you know, it's been a lot of stimuli. I can sit here quietly. I can eat my chicken with my plastic cutlery. And I started laughing when I went to cut into it, fearing I'd fling it in somebody's face. You're at WEC, you probably had that experience.

Taylor Smith
That literally happened to me. It just went flying off my plate. I was like, ‘whoops!’ But it did, it started a conversation.

Christy Renee
It started a conversation. Exactly. And she didn't say anything at first, but when she tried to do it, she started laughing. And then that's when she looked over at my badge, curious. The conversation went from there. And instead of me pitching her when she's distracted, she has 1,000 things going on, she's coming to me. Why? Because of a shared experience.

And if you're listening in and you have the habit of you're thinking, ‘Oh my gosh, everything you just said is me. I'm in my head. I'm practicing my pitch. I'm nervous.’ I invite you to just breathe, be present and see what you can do to create a shared experience through laughter or understanding or whatever you can do, and that's really the essence of where rapport comes from.

Taylor Smith
And storytelling too, I think, helps build rapport, because you find those stories where you can connect with one another, whether it be trying to cut chicken with wooden cutlery or, you know, cliff jumping, you find the ways that you relate to each other when you're authentic and don't try to hide those stories.

And I know you said your net worth is your network. And there's another quote that was from your session that really stood out to me, and you said, ‘Your story is your brand.’ Can you explain to our listeners what you meant by that?

Christy Renee
Absolutely. So, I think that there's this idea that in 2024, you know, ‘Branding doesn't apply to me. I'm not an influencer, I'm not a company, I'm not a business, I'm a professional. I'm in the events industry. Branding doesn't really apply to me.’ Well, I'm here to tell you that it does. Because if we go back to talking about the overcrowded job market that we're in, if you want to stand out, you need to be applying branding techniques that make you recognizable, that make you memorable.

This spring, I was really only going to events wearing jewel-toned dresses, sheath dresses, and it worked out really well for me, because the second time I went to a Creative Mornings event, the man at the registration table was like, ‘Oh, Christy!’ Now, my hair was in a ponytail that day, which almost never happens. I did not think I was on my A-game at all. And he was like, ‘Just remind me your last name? You got up and you spoke, and your pitch was really good.’ Like, ‘Ah, you remember me because I'm making it easy for you to, you know, remember me. I make it easy for people.’

And so, a lot of people maybe get stuck when they're thinking, ‘Okay, well, branding, like, I don't know the first place to start.’ But you do, you do. Your brand is your story. And so, for me, my story is going back and talking about the health challenges that I overcame. What lesson did I learn from that? One: Time is our most valuable resource, not money, and our health is our greatest wealth. So, those things became part of me, and they drove the decisions that I made after that.

So that means that while I was overseas, and I was tourism writing and, you know, photography and all of this awesome stuff. But it wasn't the formal experience that maybe a director position or a senior level position at a corporate agency would expect, right? They're like, ‘Okay, well, you were overseas for five years being a little gypsy writer, free spirit, like, that's cool and all, but you don't really fit the eight years of agency experience that we need for this scene.’

Taylor Smith
The list of qualifications that literally no one can meet, right?

Christy Renee
And I'm glad you bring that up, because a lot of people look at that and think that, ‘Oh, well, I don't have all of this, so I shouldn't even apply.’ That's like a wish-list. And I'm here to tell you, I sold my story of being a free spirit, little gypsy.

Now, I didn't position it that way. That was another thing we talked about in the in the training, how you position your story. I positioned it as, ‘You know what? I lived overseas for five years with language barriers. I didn't speak all languages of 35 different countries. I didn't speak the language every time, but I always got my needs met by understanding how to bridge communication, nonverbal, emotional storytelling, hand gestures.’ And I sold my experience. I sold my understanding. I sold my public speaking opportunity.

This was for my position as a senior copywriter, and I later ended up getting it, so I didn't have any of the qualifications. And let this be a proof point to everybody. I had zero of the qualifications, except I knew I could do it. I had a connection that was already vouching for me going into it. I sold my story so well that not only did I get the job, I nailed the interview, I got the job. I negotiated $15,000 more than they said they had for the position, a six-figure salary with no formal experience. And to kick it off, I got promoted three times in the two years I was there and ended up being a director.

So, if you are sitting there thinking, you know, you're applying for a job, you're looking at qualifications, you're letting your doubt story kick in, and you're like, ‘I don't have what it takes.’ Or if you do have what it takes, you’re thinking, ‘Everybody out there has basically the same skills right now. The way that the internet and ChatGPT and everything just makes it so everyone can do everything. Everyone can do everything.’

So, what makes you stand out? Your stories, your failures, because your failures teach you the lessons, and they don't want to see somebody that's never gone through hardship in life. What did you go through? What was your adversity? And the most important part, what did you learn? And that's what becomes your story, and that's what you can sell as your brand and everybody that you meet.

And that's what makes it memorable as well. Stories evoke emotion, so it's actually a memory technique. If you're studying for something and you attach emotion or a story, to whatever facts you can remember, it's sticky in your mind, and so you want to take your story and position it so that, one: it shows, ‘Wow. This person really knows how to overcome some things. Wow. This person's been through a lot, they must have a great outlook on life. I could have that positivity in my office,’ or whatever it may be, and then it's memorable on top of that. So yes, your brand is your story.

Taylor Smith
Yes, it totally is. And just listening to you talk again, like every time I talk to you, I make another realization about myself. I'm like, ‘Wait, this is so this is so true. I can totally relate to this. This is exactly how it happened for me.’ Even getting my job here at Meetings Today, I looked at the application, and it was sent to me from my editor at my internship that I had in college, and looking at the qualifications, I was like, ‘I don't know what the meetings and events industry is. I don't know anything about the MICE industry.’ And I didn't even know the industry existed. I did not have any of the qualifications I needed to write about meetings and events, besides knowing how to write, and that was it.

But through my interviews, I just right away felt connected to Taylor at the magazine when he was interviewing me, and I could see myself there. And I knew that through sharing my story and hearing his story and what the industry was about, it just felt like all the pieces were coming together. And it wasn't whether or not I studied hospitality or had any knowledge of the industry before applying to the job that that made me a good candidate. It was my excitement to learn more, my willingness to share my story, you know, I wasn't afraid of being real and vulnerable and telling him like, ‘I'm terrified to step into this role, but I promise you that I can do it, like, I know I can.’ And it was that confidence that I had to find, and the courage to sell myself, and just the willingness to tell my story and say that I know that maybe this might not be, I might not be the person you imagine filling this role, but I promise you that you won't regret, like, making the decision to have me there.

Christy Renee
You touched on something really important that I want to call out to our listeners as well. And if they're thinking, if they're feeling inspired by this conversation, and they want to sell their story too, you said something so essential. Two things. One, you said you could see yourself there, so you had the visualization, which Olympians use mental imagery training. It is a proven way of making things happen.

Taylor Smith
Like you and your purple background on the screen, right?

Christy Renee
Yeah, I know, I know. I had an experience with TEDx this spring or this summer, too, and I was like, 
Oh my god, it's happening again. I'm on the stage. It's behind me. It's coming to me.’ Yeah, I wanted to post the picture, but I'm like, I'm gonna wait until I have that moment. Side by side, check it.

But not to derail, you also said you were so confident that you could do it, and I think that's really important. A lot of people will look at the qualifications. They get stuck in that doubt story, and then they show up to an interview and they're not convinced that they're the best person.

So, if you're carrying the energy of not being convinced that you're the best person for the job, how will you ever expect to sell them that you're the best person for the job? Exactly. And you were like, ‘I'm terrified, I'll be real with you, but I know I can do it. You won't regret it.’ And then you went on to probably be one of their best employees that they've had, I'm sure that you are, you had that focus, you had that dedication.

And that's really what they're looking for more than, you know, checking all the boxes, just being like a robot, because our machines can do a lot of this now. And, yeah, I didn't know how to…I remember being asked to deliver some to create some concepts for a campaign. That was the language, like, ‘Absolutely, I've actually got it.’ I got off the Zoom call, Googled, ‘What is a concept for a campaign?’

They ended up picking one of the three that I put. The clients were like, ‘Oh, we love this.’ So, it doesn't really matter if you know what you're talking about, or know how to do it. If you know how to sell your story, be real. Be vulnerable. Be authentic. That's what helps connect. And then have the courage to say, ‘I've got this.’ That's what's going to really get you far in this world. And you know, connecting to yourself, connecting to others, is a big part of that

Taylor Smith
And it goes right into the idea of being magnetic and leaving that impact, making people feel drawn to you, but also to the point where, like, even if you're not together, you have this magnetic energy that makes them keep coming back and keep thinking about you.

So, what does it mean to be magnetic? And what advice do you have for our listeners about how they can improve their magnetic presence and make that impact when cultivating connections?

Christy Renee
I think the best way to describe that is, think about your experience. You were just on stage, you were in front of an audience, and you know that feeling when you're up there and you see him lean in? You see them put their phones down. They put their phone down, or they're holding it in their hand, completely forgotten. And then they look up at you, and you can feel that tether of connection. You have them plugged in and engaged. You can feel when people are engaging. Maybe you're on a date, maybe you're in an interview, maybe you're at a networking event and you're talking with somebody, you can feel when they're plugged in, and you can feel when they're distracted.

And maybe, if you you're not really sure what I'm talking about, maybe work on getting out of your head a little bit and into the present. It's something tangible that you can feel. So, when I talk about being magnetic, that is through your communication, that is through your energy. And I like to say that our energy, our energetic presence, tells our story before we ever even open our mouth.

So, if we're sitting, if we can face that, you know…I think that being present is a fear in and of itself, a little bit, right? Like sitting in stillness, just being by yourself. That wasn't something that I used to be able to do. I would need to be making a list or being productive, or distracting myself with Netflix, or distracting myself with wine, whatever it is. And I think a lot of us get into these escapism tendencies because our world is really overstimulating, and it can be hard to sit in silence and stillness and practice that in the world that we live in. But when we can, that gives us such an inside advantage, because you can be present.

You can just almost kind of feel what the people need to hear. And so instead of practicing something in your head and rehearsing it and having it the same to everything, when you stand in front of somebody, fully present, fully and humbly confident in yourself. Connection, that's when it gets really magnetic, because people pull in, they plug in, they engage.

Now, the same thing can happen digitally. It can be a little harder sometimes, but you're a writer. You know? That's where spinning the wheels and working and crafting the perfect message can come from. And that message, nine times out of 10. Can I say 10 times out of 10? It's going to be something that makes the reader feel something.

So, magnetic connection, magnetic engagement, magnetic communication. It really comes into being present and then evoking emotion in whoever you're speaking with. And so, story is such a great technique for that. It's not the only way. Authenticity, vulnerability. You touched on both of those. Those usually come from story. They don't always have to. These are the things that make people pull in. So, you can even use these techniques for cold outreach. Three of my biggest career wins to date have all been cold LinkedIn outreach down right, you know. And I'm sure you get tons of messages, sponsored or not, about people that are like, ‘Hi Christy. I just wanted to say…’

Taylor Smith
They just copy and paste the message and put your name in there.

Christy Renee
Yeah, and they just talk and talk and talk, and you're like, ‘I'll never open this, I'll never click on it.’ But it is possible to have real connection and engagement with people, and so I call that magnetic, because it just pulls them in, engages them, and then they're hooked. You have time to sell whatever it is you're selling.

Now, don't do it too fast. Let's build the rapport. But that's the opening that you need.

Taylor Smith
Can you share a scenario in which industry professionals in meetings and events might find an opportunity to put these magnetic presence practices into action?

[Related: The Z: 6 Tips to Make Networking Less Awkward]

Christy Renee
Absolutely, meetings and events, there's conferences all the time, right? If you're going to one, I would say, the next networking event that you're at, just try and practice this, right? Don't go up to the big shot who, you know, researched before you got there. Don't start with that person when you walk into a room. Now, I did this at WEC, totally out of my comfort zone. I knew two people going into it, so I would walk into every room and be uncomfortable, right? And on the first day I like, planned down to a T. My plane ended up getting delayed on the runway, and we arrived 15 minutes early. I was like, ‘Yeah, everything's gonna work out. It's perfect. I'll get here, I'll get there. I'll do all my things.’

We got stuck on the runway for an hour. I missed the first thing. The next thing, the woman was sick. I couldn't meet her. I stepped into an empty room that I thought everybody just walked out of, and I saw a cold beer and a couple plates of food. I was like, ‘That's what I need. I'll just stay in here for a minute.’ Well, I guess that was one of those invite-only events, and all these Board of Trustees started walking in, and I'm just chatting with them, having no idea, you know, I'm like, ‘Oh, what's everybody doing? What is this?’ You know, just building rapport.

Then that's when they said, ‘Oh, this is, you know. So, oh, I don't belong here. I don't belong here. But because I had already built all this rapport, just not knowing anybody was a big deal, just trying to decompress. ‘Stay, stay, stay. No, come on, stay.’

Then one of the two people I knew walked in and started introducing me to people. So, I think getting this idea that we always need to be next to somebody that we know at conferences or events, or we have to be in the right place at the right time, I like to say I was at the wrong place at the right time, and some really great things happened to me from that.

And it's just showing up into spaces, being present and talking to everybody just like equals human connection, and try and find something to build rapport about, talk about the food or story that it makes it bring up, and you can start to really hone in on this skill.

And I would say, if you're struggling at first, use your environment. The events industry has so many awesome suppliers coming together to bring unique experiences. Try and tether something in your immediate environment to a story that you've had in your past. And just like you say, every time I share a story, it makes you have another realization, and then we have this connection, this rapport that starts going, and so I think that the events industry has such a great opportunity to practice these techniques.

Taylor Smith
I need to get another conference on my schedule.

Christy Renee
Yes, no, let's go somewhere together.

Taylor Smith
We’ll make it happen.

There's one thing you said that I really think is super important, and it's seeing people as equals, and for me, as someone who entered the industry my first job out of college, I was the youngest at my company by, I think a decade at the time. I felt so…the imposter syndrome was real.

For me, it was important to take a step back, and instead of seeing all the fancy titles and walking into a room, like you said, and maybe being surrounded by all these people on the board of trustees or something, you know, they've got CEO in their title, and there's just so much about them that, like, wow, they're big time. Taking those titles away and just seeing them as another human being that you're there to connect with…you're just going to figure out their first name, not even their titles, and don't even, you know, worry about where they came from or their background. Those are the conversations for me, where the intimidation just goes away, and the stress of making a good impression is no longer on my shoulders, because I am not seeing them as a title or a company or someone that I should be afraid of. I'm seeing them just as another person that I'm here to connect with and make that connection with, and that's when I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh, like, I'll figure out their title later on.

That's not what's important to me. What's important to me is the connection I made, the fact that I've got another person in my network who I'm excited about, who I can depend on, and when I separate them from their titles and separate them from the career and the professional path that they followed and just see them as another person that I'm looking to learn from is when those genuine connections form, and I don't feel like they're looking at me as someone who's just trying to, like, get something out of them, and they don't view me as like, someone who's too afraid to make that connection and sell myself, because we're not there, in a way, to do business. We're there to get to know each other, and then the opportunities that come afterwards are so much more rewarding because we built a friendship and a connection before we tried to do something work related, or a project together. The word equal, I think, is just so important in your response to that question.

Christy Renee
Well, you hit on something with imposter syndrome, and it doesn't really ever go away. I mean, it shouldn't, because if you're putting yourself in rooms where you can really grow the most, you're always going to be feeling that intimidation factor.

So, I think it's important to just try and remember when you feel that imposter syndrome, ‘I'm not an imposter. I'm dedicated to learning. I'm a lifelong learner.’ And really that's what people want. We go back to how everybody has the same skills. Everybody can figure everything out. But if you're hungry and you're a learner, well, you're in that room to learn. It's okay. Nobody expects you to know everything. And you can say, ‘Oh, you know, I'm not familiar with that.’ You don't have to pretend, or, you know, put this facade on. Just be real.

Taylor Smith
Be real. I love that. I say that all the time. It's an app, I know that. But before it was an app, it was cool. It was just, ‘Be real.’ Just be authentic to yourself.

What do you hope our listeners take away from our conversation today?

Christy Renee
I hope anybody listening that’s felt a little stuck, or, you know…Before this we got on, we were talking about the economy and just how the squeeze is happening. Everything's overcrowded, everything's going up. It can be easy to feel disheartened. It can be easy to feel overwhelmed. It can be easy to maybe even feel hopeless.

I've had some people tell me that they feel that sometimes. And if that sounds like you, I just want to say, one, you're not alone. And two, just keep going. Just keep pushing.

Knowing that it's always hardest right before there's a big breakthrough, I think, would be the biggest takeaway. And so, if you're feeling like, ‘Man, I've just been pushing, pushing, pushing, pushing. How much more of this can I take?’ That's a key for me that something great is always on the other side.

So, just start to look at hard situations differently. Either, ‘Hey, this is going to be a great story, this is going to be great content,’ or, ‘Oh, I know right on the other side of the ocean where all the waves are hitting you, right on that other side, it's going to be smooth sailing,’ so just stick with it.

Taylor Smith
Yeah, and the view is going to be great, and you're going to have a beautiful sunset, and everything's going to work out perfectly. There you go, manifesting those images again.

So, my last question for you today is, what is one piece of advice or one motivational quote that you want to leave our audience with?

Christy Renee
I'm going to go with, ‘Courage creates confidence.’ If you can just remember that—and I think that I talk about this a lot. Our society and the way that it's set up makes courage really difficult. And without going too deep into it, we talked a little bit about oxytocin and neurotransmitters at the at the beginning. And I know all that because I love to geek out on neuroscience and art.

We talked about the world being so digital and so over stimulating, and that creates a lot of dopamine, or what I call false dopamine, and so it's spiking our levels constantly, and it makes things like courage and discipline and willpower and patience and not instant gratification really difficult.

But if you can know that and have that awareness, and think of something, you know, that’d be pushing yourself out there. Remember, I was the girl who was too afraid to hold a microphone and say my name, and I ended up on my dream stage. A year later.

Taylor Smith
I am the same. I was in the same boat.

Christy Renee
And it really is if you can just push yourself. And I have chills again thinking about your experience, right? There's nothing that I love to hear more than when somebody is like, ‘I was terrified.’ Really, especially with the expression thing. That's really near and dear to me, right?

I’m scared to put myself out there. I will confide in you, that, before any event that I'm going to that's a new event, I'm pushing myself out there to network and meet people, and I'm on the drive, driving down to the city, there's that voice in my head that's like, ‘You can turn back.’

Taylor Smith
‘Why did I sign up for this?’ I tell myself all the time. I'm like, ‘What is wrong with me?’ I know it's gonna stress me out so much?

Christy Renee
But what happens on the other side?

Taylor Smith
I come back home, and I am just like, sad it’s over, and I've got so many new things that are just bouncing around my head, all these crazy ideas. It's so worth it in the end. I’m so happy I went.

Christy Renee
It is always the same thing. I will call my boyfriend, and I’m always like, ‘This is the best thing ever.’ And he’s like, ‘I told you. You say this every time.’ And I'm like, ‘I know.’

And so, I like to offer the suggestion to do resistance training. I love body-weight workouts, building a strong core, working with resistance bands. So, work through the resistance. Know that that's part of it. And do something that scares you a little bit and excites you a lot today. That would be my dream for our listeners. Push yourself out there.

Taylor Smith
Maybe we'll hear back from some of them on LinkedIn when they reach out to build that authentic connection, and we could hear their stories.

Christy Renee
I would love that, right? How perfect.

Taylor Smith
Perfect circle. Well, thanks so much again, Christy. This was great. I love talking to you, and I know our listeners are going to get a lot out of you.

Christy Renee
This was great. Thank you so much, Taylor.

Taylor Smith
Of course! That was Christy Renee Stehle, an award-winning hospitality professional, leadership trainer and professional speaker with advice on how to increase your magnetic presence to cultivate connections. Once again, I'm Taylor Smith, destinations and features content developer for Meetings Today. If you're interested in listening to more Meetings Today podcasts like this one, visit our website at MeetingsToday.com, and thanks again for tuning in.

Mission Statement: "The Z: Planning for the Industry’s Next Generation" is a Meetings Today column discussing the meetings and events industry’s newest and youngest members—the incoming Generation Z. Written by Meetings Today’s Taylor Smith, a member of Gen Z herself, The Z explores how to welcome, work with, understand and plan for the industry’s next wave of professionals while serving as a guide for members of Gen Z themselves, planners and attendees alike. 

Read more from "The Z: Planning for the Industry’s Next Generation."